erbie: (cassatt)
[personal profile] erbie
Every once in a while, there's a glimmer of getting it right, parenting-wise.

Last night, [livejournal.com profile] llnaughty and I were in the living room with Edgar asleep on me. Bob came into the room and whispered in [livejournal.com profile] llnaughty's ear. He asked her if he could tell me and she at first said no, but then he explained that it was about me as well, and she then said yes. She had told him that she feels like Edgar gets more attention than she does and it makes her feel like we love Edgar more and her less. I'm so proud of her being able to articulate that at five years old. I think it shows a real emotional intelligence for her to be able to put it to words, and also for her to come to us and tell us.

She never takes it out on Edgar; she always tells us how she's feeling. That's not to say she doesn't still have her moments (Friday evening was a doozy, meltdowns from the time she got home to the time she went to bed, fighting sleep, general misery all around). But then she has these shining moments of insight into her own feelings that would surprise me on an adult, but astound me on a five year old.
(deleted comment)

on 2007-06-04 05:54 pm (UTC)
Posted by [identity profile] erbie.livejournal.com
It's all because of you!

on 2007-06-04 06:32 pm (UTC)
Posted by [identity profile] archaica.livejournal.com
Wow, that is really impressive!

on 2007-06-04 06:32 pm (UTC)
Posted by [identity profile] chavvah.livejournal.com
Now I'm curious: how did you guys respond when she said that?

on 2007-06-04 09:22 pm (UTC)
Posted by [identity profile] erbie.livejournal.com
We told her we were glad that she told us and that we always want her to tell us when she has these feelings, and [livejournal.com profile] llnaughty put her on his lap and gave her a big hug. We told her that since Edgar is a baby, she needs a lot of holding and attention so she can grow, and told her that when she was a baby we held her all the time like we do with Edgar. We told her that she and Edgar were at different stages of life, that Edgar can't do for herself what Bob can, so we do more things for Edgar, and we sometimes get frustrated at her when she doesn't do something she's capable of and it seems like we're less upset with Edgar acting up than with Bob. And we said that we're sure we'll get just as frustrated with Edgar when she's Bob's age. We said that whenever she feels like she needs some extra love, to tell us and we'll always give it to her. We gave her lots of hugs and kisses and told her we love her very much.

We did NOT say that we love them both the same. She often tries to get me to say that I love her more than Edgar, but I always tell her that I love her as much as I could possibly love a Bob and I love Edgar as much as I could possibly love an Edgar, that they are different people and so we don't love them the same, because that wouldn't be true. Kids know when you're bullshitting, so we don't do it with her about stuff like this.

on 2007-06-05 04:16 am (UTC)
Posted by [identity profile] chavvah.livejournal.com
Aw, you guys are such super parents. Thanks for sharing! :)

on 2007-06-04 06:32 pm (UTC)
Posted by [identity profile] bluepoet.livejournal.com
She always seems to me to be quite a remarkable child. I'm so glad for the little bits of Bob we get to see here. :)

on 2007-06-04 06:50 pm (UTC)
Posted by [identity profile] specialknives.livejournal.com
That's ace.

on 2007-06-04 07:29 pm (UTC)
Posted by [identity profile] nadyezhda.livejournal.com
wowza. I am sure you handled this better than my parents did (I too had a younger brother with major health issues). But keep in mind she may think about this a lot longer than you might expect her to... how are you going to handle this going forward, OOC? Ice cream dates? Extra cuddle time?

on 2007-06-04 09:25 pm (UTC)
Posted by [identity profile] erbie.livejournal.com
Pretty much the same way we handled it last night. See above response to [livejournal.com profile] chavvah. We've also been trying to spend more one-on-one time with her lately, since she's been needing it.

on 2007-06-04 07:52 pm (UTC)
Posted by [identity profile] merina.livejournal.com
Wow. That is astonishing coming from one so very young. I am so glad that she felt she could tell you about how she feels. I'll bet she feels it more than she's letting on - make sure you let her know it's ok.

And give her a hug from me. :D

on 2007-06-04 09:23 pm (UTC)
Posted by [identity profile] erbie.livejournal.com
Absolutely. We always tell her that it's okay to be mad/sad/frustrated/jealous/etc. We've been doing it since she was Edgar's age, so it looks like it's really sunk in.

on 2007-06-04 08:48 pm (UTC)
Posted by [identity profile] brokenmellcifer.livejournal.com
Holy wowy! That's amazing! What a great kid :D

on 2007-06-06 02:54 am (UTC)
Posted by [identity profile] alunatic.livejournal.com
Aw! Now that's better than any parenting award. :)

on 2007-06-06 04:01 am (UTC)
Posted by [identity profile] erbie.livejournal.com
It sure is! And it's better than the meltdowns we're used to as well!

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