erbie: (stewie)
Dude, maybe you should turn the volume up on that speakerphone. I don't think people in CHINA can hear it!
erbie: (stewie)
OMG, PICK UP THE RECEIVER AND STOP TALKING ON THE SPEAKER WITH YOUR DOOR OPEN! W.T.F, DUDE??? I just walked by and it's not like you're doing anything that needs your hands and there's nobody else in there with you!
erbie: (ack)
I smell Tabasco sauce. It's not even 10 am!
erbie: (smilecat)
You know how something random can trigger a memory of a dream you had the night before, when you had totally forgotten it? I was walking into the stairwell, and a guy at my work, T, was walking back the way from which I had come. As I passed him, I got hit like a lightening bolt with the memory of a dream I had about him last night. (No, not THAT kind of dream, [livejournal.com profile] archaica!)

I dreamed that I was checking out websites and I came across his website randomly. It was for his business as a male escort. There were all these pictures of him in tight shirts, looking all buff. I remember thinking in my dream that I hadn't realized he was so buff. He's definitely in shape, but he's not super buff like in the dream. He's this really nice, quiet, unassuming guy, and this is totally out of character for him.

I was giggling about it all the way to the cafe.
erbie: (Edgar Eye)
Using my Sooper Sleuthing Powers (TM), I have finally discovered the identity of the Poop-Flusher. And I know her! I came this close |---| to saying something to her, but I chickened out.

I went in the restroom and noticed that there was someone in the far stall, which is where P-F always does her thing. I heard a flush and silence. More flush. More silence. I washed my hands and was going to spend some time fiddling with my hair, but someone else came in. I figured P-F wouldn't leave until the coast was clear, so I went out and made some tea in the kitchenette which is right outside the bathroom. The other person left, and I dropped off my kids at the pool tea at my desk, which is a few steps away, and went back in. There she was! Washing her hands! I said hi, washed my hands, and left again.

So now I know who it is!
erbie: (zebrabutt)
Speaking of bathroom habits...

Dear woman in the next stall,

Do you REALLY think that by flushing the toilet repeatedly you're hiding the fact that you're pooping? Everybody poops. Sometimes we have to do it at work. I'm as squeamish as the next person about someone hearing me poop, but I just stay in the stall til they're gone so they won't know who it was. Flushing the toilet repeatedly wastes water and makes it really obvious that you're pooping, whereas otherwise, most sounds would be covered up by faucets running, other people flushing, doors opening and closing, ambient sounds, etc. Good thing our toilets use reclaimed water, but even so, it's a waste. Please stop it. You're not fooling anyone.

Erbie
erbie: (fu)
Dear my co-workers,

Perhaps you have never worked in a cube farm environment before. In that case, please let me give you a few pointers on how not to make your neighbors hate you:

1. When you leave your desk, either take your cell phone with you or turn the volume down on the ringer.

2. Please tell the people that need to call you from outside that one call to each of your lines, cell and work extension, is sufficient. They do not need to alternate calling both lines constantly for ten minutes. I can tell that's what they're doing because the ring from an outside call is different from the ring from an internal call. Do they think you're just ignorin their calls?

3. Your popcorn has a scent. No, really. It wafts over my way at precisely 4:30 every afternoon, making my either feel sick to my stomach or crave it. Either way, it sucks.

4. In addition to the popcorn smells, all of the tomato-sauce based things that you microwave do indeed create a noxious odor on half the floor. It might be nice if you varied your diet once in a while, or at least went to the cafe to eat.

5. For crying out loud, close your damn door when you use the speakerphone! You have an office with a door. Most of us aren't so lucky and can't block out the sound of you checking your voicemail and talking to people on your speakerphone. It's so not cool!

Thanks,
Your irritable co-worker
erbie: (spmad)
Okay, I expect food smells at lunch time. I dont' *like* them, but I deal. And I can leave and go to lunch myself. But 9:45 in the morning is not acceptable for there to be a tomato sauce and garlic smell wafting through the floor! What is wrong with these people? Don't they know I'm pregnant???

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February 2011

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